The camel

I had my first attack in April, but by the end of June it was all forgotten. When no more came I got on with my life. My first attack had been the worst. The other two had not been as bad and from that I should have gained a very important clue - ignorance and fear are my worst enemies. Just knowing what was happening to me stopped the first one.

But the worst was yet to come. As autumn came and merged into winter I took on more responsibilities and things changed. My son started full time school, I began to teach piano and guitar lessons from home, assist the classroom teacher every afternoon with the children's Christmas play and agree to a second carol concert undertaken solely by me. I had booked my comeback gig in December after 6 months off and all this, once again, on top of a busy social life and running a household with two small children. Was I mad? I didn't think so. To me, multi-tasking was something I was good at and enjoyed. The rewards were great if I pulled it off. There was absolutely, absolutely NO room for error.

My boyfriend thought it was a good idea, at this time, to join a gym. We had once belonged to a health club and both felt that exercise was a good stressbuster. What I didn't anticipate, was how a simple comment to a friend in the playground would initiate world war three. My close friend had mentioned once how she had wanted to join a gym with me. I agreed it sounded nice, but we took the idea no further. When I told the same friend that my boyfriend now (6 months later) wanted to join a gym, she said it wasn't a good time for her financially and that after Christmas was a better option.

So my family and I went and looked at our local gym over the weekend. We all liked it and thought about joining. When I told my close friend in the playground the next day she was livid. She shouted at me. She screamed at me. She pointed her finger at me. How dare I join a gym with my boyfriend and not with her! She told me it felt like I had "slapped her in the face". Did I see a person over-reacting? No. Did I hear the ridiculousness of it all? No. I took it. Every word. I let her do that to me and I never once stuck up for myself. Didn't utter a single word in my defence. Why? Because I was shocked. Completely stunned into silence that someone I thought I knew so well had been so hateful. I lost all trust and respect for her that day. I think subconsciously I must have known I was losing my best friend. But I didn't admit it to myself. These things usually take time to sink in. This is what they call the straw that broke the camel's back. Less than a month later, life was going to be very different...