In the beginning...

I'm feeling dizzy. Not the okay kind of dizzy, but the swooning type. I sit up. I notice my heart is pounding. The room is spinning so fast it's uncomfortable. I stand up, call to my boyfriend to help. Tell him I'm not feeling right. I think that I should get upstairs to the toilet. I notice I'm staggering up the stairs. I have chest pains in my left upper breast. What's happening to me? Feeling hot and faint. In the bathroom now with my wrists under cold running water. This will help to cool me down won't it? Chest pains... Ok, I'm really scared now...am I having a heart attack? My heart is really racing, thumping. My boyfriend is concerned. He's asking what he should do. I'm splashing water on my face now. Trying to cool down...so hot. My children have come to see what the commotion is about. My boyfriend ushers them into their room. I try sitting down. No good. I try lying down. No good. I feel so faint. Musn't lose consciousness. Chest pains... I start to pace. Whatever it is, it feels like it's coming in waves. Food poisoning does that. But the chest pains, I must be having a stroke or a heart attack. My worst fear is coming true. I'm going to end up hospitalised, a vegetable, or worse still, dead. It's been 40 minutes and the symtoms have come back even worse. Boyfriend calls an ambulance. I tell my children to be good for their father. I think it might be the last time I see their faces. I think of my mother and of my sister and my dear boyfriend - the love of my life. I get angry, it's not my time! This isn't fair! But the chest pains...and the heat, and the racing heart, and the dizziness. By now I am soaked with water, continually splashing my face and arms to stay conscious. The paramedics are running up the stairs. They both look at me, they look at each other. "Describe your symptoms" says one. So I do. "Why are you all wet?" says another. So I tell them. The first one speaks again, "You're having a panic attack".